Baby On Your Six

 18, Aaron. Holy shit, kid (calm down, you're 18 in about 5 hours, I can curse in front of you now, plus, I've had a couple drinks, my language is a bit loose). You're an adult. You're old enough to drive, you'd be looking at college or technical school, or backpacking across Europe in a gap year, or whatever weird thing kids are doing when they turn 18 these days. You'd be a person. A complete, fully realized, adult person. That's weird, kid, gotta admit. So, 18 is hitting your mom and I kinda hard. The idea of you at 18 is really blowing our minds. We were just barely not kids ourselves when you were born, and now we're talking about you as an adult. It's amazing to think about. As you well know, we've done a ton of work with, and fundraising for, the March of Dimes; donated money and goods to community health centers; donated craft goods to a local moms and babies' hospital for siblings of newborns; collected toys, pajamas, and games for l...

Hi Aaron. I know, I know. I'm about 4 years and 11 months early for my 5-year letter to you. But something happened last night that I wanted to make sure you knew about. Your brother is visiting your Gaga and Pip this week, getting to spend some quality time with his grandparents. He and Gaga walked over to the memorial garden at Gaga's church and Sammy starting reading the names on the engraved obelisk. He got to your name, knowing full well that your name was on there, and he told your Gaga that he misses you so much, and he was sad that he never got to meet you. He also told Gaga that he didn't think she could understand that feeling he had. She told him that she missed you every day too. I idly asked your mom if maybe Sammy still remembered the time he had his tubes in and he told your mom that after everything went black (anesthesia put him under) in the bright room with all the doctors (the operating room) he got to play with an older boy. In Sammy's words the boy...

 Hi Aaron, You'd be 15 today. Well into your teenage years, likely driving next year. If you'd have grown up anything like your little brother has you'd have been so into cars. If you'd have turned out anything like me, you'd already be trying to figure out any way possible to not have to drive your parent's car when you turned 16, and be failing miserably. 15. That's a big year. You'd definitely be in high school, probably have some really terrible taste in music that your mom and I would be trying really hard to appreciate on your behalf. I like to think you'd have followed my superior example and be taking the first tiny steps towards playing drums with some friends in a band, maybe learned guitar from your Uncle Matt, or somehow gained your Aunt Sarah's singing gift. Music's always been pretty big in our family, so I imagine you'd have found some gift for it somewhere. Or maybe service, or theology and philosophy would be your thing. ...

Hi Aaron, Today, we're celebrating your 10th birthday.  You won't be there, just as you haven't been there for every birthday celebration we've held for you.  It's just hard to believe that 10 years have passed since that hectic late-evening ambulance ride to a hospital I'd never heard of to watch you be born 14 weeks too early. I'll never forget the peculiar mixture of terror and excitement that took up residence in my gut when they told your mother and I that you would need to come now .  Excitement, because I would get to meet you so soon.  Terror, because I'd be meeting you too soon. There are so many crazy stories that came out of that night, and the weeks that followed, surrounding you, your mom and I, and the rest of your family.  But one of my favorites is the one about the moment I truly became a father: We'd already changed your name earlier in the evening - as far as the doctor knew, he was hard at work delivering Owen into the wo...

Two-years ago on May 31st, the world I knew was destroyed. I say this not in a depressing way, but more in a look how far we have come way. Two years ago, our baby boy went to heaven. We were crushed. Josh and I as well as our families. For someone so sweet and innocent to die was beyond our comprehension. I have been writing this entry in my head for 4 days now, but I wanted to get some of it down on paper. To have something go that wrong in your life is truly a life changing experiment. We started counseling right away and were told that we would need to work on finding the "new" us. I am really not sure what that means, but I know we have found it - or at least that we have found some of it. I have changed in the last two years and I know Josh has as well. We have done all that we can think to do to remember Aaron. We have met some amazing people and gotten close to them that have also lost a baby. We have in two years had two very successful March for Babies t...

Dear Aaron, Happy Birthday, peanut! 2 years...Wow! Last year on your birthday I spent a lot of time remembering what happened the year you were born. This year I spent a lot of time thinking about what would have been. What it would be like to have a 2 year old running around. What it would have been like to throw a second birthday party. My guess would be that at this age you'd be into trains, trucks, airplanes etc. On Saturday we had a party for our March for Babies team. Daddy and I and the kids let balloons go for you and yelled, "Happy Birthday Aaron!" We were at the church and right by the memorial garden. We had a very nice party. On Sunday we did the March for Babies and we proudly wore our A-Team T-shirts. We did SO well this year. We raised over $6,300!!! All in memory of you! It made mommy and daddy so proud that we were able to do that. We were just thrilled. Yesterday, Daddy and I took off...we went to lunch with Grandma Pam, Grandpa Keith an...