My dear sweet Aaron,
Happy 12 week Heaven Day baby boy! I hope that you are doing well. Today was a bit of a rough day for me. I didn't sleep well and it led to a very bad morning. I ended up staying home and was able to just spend some time with you. Thinking of you, looking at your pictures and looking at some of your stuff. It was nice to be able to do that. I thought an awful lot about you today and miss you so terribly much right now.
There is one thing since you have left us that I hear over and over again. Everyone says that daddy and I will never be the same again and that we need to find what our "new normal" is. That worried me for a long time. We are still just new at the whole grief thing, so I am not quite sure where I will land, but it doesn't scare me so much anymore. At first I didn't know was I a mom still or wasn't I? Do I have a child or don't I? I now know that I am always a mommy and you are always my baby. There is a poem that gave me a lot of comfort and it's called "What Makes a Mother". The end of it is my favorite part. It says:
"So now you see what makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart
it's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
Though some on earth may not realize,
you are a Mother.
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
and know that you are the best one!"
Daddy and I were at a wedding last week and I had a really hard time watching the groom dance with his mom. It got to me on two levels. First, the song was called "You Raise Me Up", by Josh Groban. The Chorus goes like this:
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
The thing that got to me the most, is that I will never be able to "raise you up" or dance with you. I wish that I could. Maybe we can dance sometime in my dreams :) That being said, while I might not be able to physically "raise you up", I promise you that in my heart I am always your mommy and I will raise you up every single day. Until then buddy, you watch over me and let me get through these stormy seas. When we meet again we'll dance!
I love you Aaron Keith!
Hugs and Kisses,
Mommy
Happy 12 week Heaven Day baby boy! I hope that you are doing well. Today was a bit of a rough day for me. I didn't sleep well and it led to a very bad morning. I ended up staying home and was able to just spend some time with you. Thinking of you, looking at your pictures and looking at some of your stuff. It was nice to be able to do that. I thought an awful lot about you today and miss you so terribly much right now.
There is one thing since you have left us that I hear over and over again. Everyone says that daddy and I will never be the same again and that we need to find what our "new normal" is. That worried me for a long time. We are still just new at the whole grief thing, so I am not quite sure where I will land, but it doesn't scare me so much anymore. At first I didn't know was I a mom still or wasn't I? Do I have a child or don't I? I now know that I am always a mommy and you are always my baby. There is a poem that gave me a lot of comfort and it's called "What Makes a Mother". The end of it is my favorite part. It says:
"So now you see what makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart
it's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
Though some on earth may not realize,
you are a Mother.
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
and know that you are the best one!"
Daddy and I were at a wedding last week and I had a really hard time watching the groom dance with his mom. It got to me on two levels. First, the song was called "You Raise Me Up", by Josh Groban. The Chorus goes like this:
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
The thing that got to me the most, is that I will never be able to "raise you up" or dance with you. I wish that I could. Maybe we can dance sometime in my dreams :) That being said, while I might not be able to physically "raise you up", I promise you that in my heart I am always your mommy and I will raise you up every single day. Until then buddy, you watch over me and let me get through these stormy seas. When we meet again we'll dance!
I love you Aaron Keith!
Hugs and Kisses,
Mommy
Comments
Love,
Tracey
XOXO
What a beautiful letter to Aaron. With God's help, you are finding your way. Once a mom, always a mom.....and you are a very special one. I love you.
Roxie