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16 Weeks

Dear Aaron,

Hey baby boy! Happy 16 week heaven day. I miss you! I asked people yesterday to tell me what they would do if they had just one more day with you. The responses were interesting to read. Daddy said one more day would hurt too much if he knew you would be gone again the next day. I agree. I couldn't go through that hurt again. I guess when I was thinking about just one more day, I think more about what I would want to do when I get to see you again. I hope that in heaven we don't have to sleep, because I'll tell you what - I think that it's going to just be a whirlwind of activity. Well I guess knowing that we have forever to do all the things we're missing out on will help us to keep pace.

I've decided what stings me the most is when I think about the people that didn't get to meet you. If I would have known that this would have been the outcome I would have let anyone that wanted to meet you come in. It would have been like a parade. We were so focused out getting you better, we didn't dare expose you to all the germs etc. It's not a regret...at the time we were absolutely doing the right thing. I just would have loved to watch people look at you and "oooh" and "ahhh" over you. I would have loved for them to see in person how much your daddy and I loved you and that for those 33 days what we were like together as a family. You're always a part of our family - even if your not with us and I'll hold onto the memories I have and dream of the memories we would have made until we can be a family again.

I love you so much Aaron!

A million hugs and kisses,
Mommy
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Comments

Anonymous said…
Protecting Aaron during that 33 days was the right thing to do - you both were very generous in the fact that you did let the number of people see Aaron that did have the chance. You are both amazing parents!
8:55 AM
Anonymous said…
Nikki and Josh:

Last night, I worked the night shift at Bryn Mawr Hospital NICU. Shortly after midnight, I thought of Aaron as I passed his "wing" of the NICU. I remembered the love you both had for him. I remembered the laughs you shared when he would open his eyes and demonstrate his little, but strong personality.
So, this morning I though I would "visit" the two of you on the web before I went to bed just to catch up... I can't believe it has been 16weeks!
The time seems to have gone so fast, but, at times, seems to have stood still.
Aaron's memory is still so vivid for me. His smile, his eyes, his determination and his peace remain ever present in his "corner" of the NICU.
When you wish that those you love got a glimpse of him, find comfort in knowing that those who got the glimpse of him, felt his love.

I wish you both peace.

Colleen Kessler,RN
9:59 AM
Josh said…
Thank you, Colleen. It's been a rough day or so for me, and your message really did wonders for my mood.

:)

I miss him so much, and it means a lot to know he hasn't been forgotten.
10:39 AM
Anonymous said…
I would of loved to have met your little baby in person. But i met him in my heart and I think that was the best meeting ever. You kept him safe and you needed that time with him. Even if I didn't see him in person I felt him in my heart and I will keep him there forever. You guys are still in my thoughts and prayers and I still admire you for your strenght and faith! Love you both!
Hanna
9:27 AM
Anonymous said…
Maybe a lot of people didn't get to meet him in person but don't regret that... at least you took pictures and you've done such a beautiful job of sharing him with us here. The pictures, the words.. they all show how much you both loved him.... you didn't have to be there to see that.
4:09 PM
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