DrummerWife and I attended the baptism of a pair of twins who were in the Bryn Mawr NICU around the same time Aaron was on Sunday. The boy, Dylan, was out of the NICU before Aaron got there, but Skylin was right across the room (about 12 feet) from Aaron the whole time our little boy was there, and we got to know Skylin's parents pretty well while we were there.
It was tough watching Dylan and Skylin get baptized in a beautiful church, with a formal ceremony. I know it's selfish and stupid, but all I could think about was "we got machines beeping, nurses running around us, and were restricted to us, and our pastor. Dylan and Skylin get a church, family, friends, loved ones, a whole congregation, singing, the whole deal. One more thing that we get the short end of the stick on."
That's been a big issue for me throughout all of this. I've felt since DrummerWife and I had to spend those hard first days in the hospital waiting for DrummerWife's release, and we had to watch all these happy, normal families celebrate their newborns in the "traditional" way. We had to cry and wonder if our child would survive, while they got to have visitors in to see and hold theirs.
Like I said, I know it's selfish, but so many times I've seen the "normal" family, and said "why can't we?"
On another, happier, note, while at the reception after the baptism, we got to talk to some of the NICU nurses. And the grandmother of another preemie came up to us, and commented on the blog. I don't remember exactly what she said, but she told us that the link had been forwarded to her, and she wanted to tell us that it was evident that we were very loving parents, and that this blog was a "very loving tribute" to our son. That really did help to make my day a little. I finished reading the book I posted about a few weeks back, and one of the overriding themes Mr. Fleming wrote on was that the only legacy your lost child will ever have is through you. And to hear that we've reflected SOME of the love we still feel for Aaron is very satisfying. I only hope we can continue to do so in the future.
It was tough watching Dylan and Skylin get baptized in a beautiful church, with a formal ceremony. I know it's selfish and stupid, but all I could think about was "we got machines beeping, nurses running around us, and were restricted to us, and our pastor. Dylan and Skylin get a church, family, friends, loved ones, a whole congregation, singing, the whole deal. One more thing that we get the short end of the stick on."
That's been a big issue for me throughout all of this. I've felt since DrummerWife and I had to spend those hard first days in the hospital waiting for DrummerWife's release, and we had to watch all these happy, normal families celebrate their newborns in the "traditional" way. We had to cry and wonder if our child would survive, while they got to have visitors in to see and hold theirs.
Like I said, I know it's selfish, but so many times I've seen the "normal" family, and said "why can't we?"
On another, happier, note, while at the reception after the baptism, we got to talk to some of the NICU nurses. And the grandmother of another preemie came up to us, and commented on the blog. I don't remember exactly what she said, but she told us that the link had been forwarded to her, and she wanted to tell us that it was evident that we were very loving parents, and that this blog was a "very loving tribute" to our son. That really did help to make my day a little. I finished reading the book I posted about a few weeks back, and one of the overriding themes Mr. Fleming wrote on was that the only legacy your lost child will ever have is through you. And to hear that we've reflected SOME of the love we still feel for Aaron is very satisfying. I only hope we can continue to do so in the future.
Comments
Love, Mom W
As I know it was a difficult day for the both of you, I wanted to let you know we were very happy to have you both with us yesterday. It was very important to us that we have our "NICU family" present. I for one do not think you are selfish or stupid for the way you felt, as I think it is normal for two loving people who love their son more than anything. I felt that way many times while on bedrest in Bryn Mawr and leaving the twins in the NICU. I also agree with Mum Mum McGuffin's (the other NICU grandmom) comments.
You both should be very proud of yourselves. I know Aaron is!
I also wanted to let you know, that I read the books you gave Skylin and Dylan and I could not stop thinking about the days in the NICU. Seeing you over with Aaron, and us relying on Nurses to tend to Dylan while we spend as much time with Skylin as possible. I was also touched to learn how Skylin and Dylan inspired you both. It is amazing three innocent baby could touch so many in so many ways.
Remember, God has a plan for us. We may not understand it right now... however in time we will. I realized one of mine yesterday as our Pastor recalled his visits to the NICU ...
Again, we thank you for the day spent with us. We would love to spend more time with you both.
One last comment then I will shut up. As I said when I first seen you enter the church. YOU GUYS LOOK GREAT. You both look so different without the "NICU stress" as I know call it.
Tammy, Skylin, Dylan and Lori