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30 Weeks

Dear Aaron,

Hey peanut! Happy 30 week Heaven Day. Mommy is a day late this week. With Christmas being on Monday I just can't get my days straight (so we'll just pretend I am right on time). We missed you so much on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Not that we don't miss you every single day. After we got home Daddy and I spent a while reading the notes that people wrote to you. We lit your little candle while we were reading them. They were all so nice. We cried a lot - which was good for daddy and I. Now this weekend is New Year's eve. We have been looking forward to this for awhile. We're ready to put this year behind us. It's weird...I say I want to put the year behind me cause of all the "bad" things that happened. You leaving us was the hardest, saddest thing I pray I will ever have to deal with in my entire life let alone this year. However, you also brought me more joy than I have ever known...I loved you more than I ever thought possible and then some. Everyone says they wish us a "better 2007"...we've said it ourselves...but what can be better than being with you, seeing you, holding you, watch you open or try to open your eyes the second you hear my voice, singing to you, hearing your tiny little cries, and changing your diapers. I am not sure what in 2007 will top all of that. I guess really 2006 may have been a great year after all, because I got to spend 33 days of it with you. I won't be able to say that next year.

I love you Aaron. I hope you had a very Merry Christmas and even though I know our time here means absolutely nothing where you are (thank God) we'll be wishing you a Happy New Year here. I'll see you "Soon and Very Soon"!

Sending you more hugs and kisses than there are stars in the sky,
Mommy
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Comments

Anonymous said…
30 Weeks - sometimes it seems to me that it has been a very, very long time and other times I feel like we just walked out of the NICU in Bryn Mawr - I can certainly replay those times - good and sad over and over again. Nikki, you and Josh are amazing together and I am proud of how you support each other. Aaron is lucky to have you both for parents. I agree that 2006 cannot be topped for the time Aaron was with us. We love you little buddy. Mom/Grandma W
9:15 AM
Anonymous said…
Good point, 2006 was quite the rollercoaster year for you guys huh. I started to say I hope that 2007 is generally happier and a bit more level but really those highs from 2006 were pretty incredible, so I guess I'll just say Happy New Year!
3:54 PM
Anonymous said…
Whatever 2007 brings, you have the beautiful Aaron calendar your mom made. What a wonderful gift to remember your precious child all through the new year. Love you both and may God bless you in 2007.

Roxie
7:30 AM
Anonymous said…
Have you and your husband sought professional help yet? It seems VERY odd that after so many months you are writing to your dead child. I realize everyone grieves in their own way, but you clearly need to speak to someone about this. Contrary to popular belief, blogging is not psychological therapy.
6:12 PM
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