Baby On Your Six

Well... WalkAmerica has come and gone - it was a huge success. Both for the A-Team and for the Lancaster area walk. The A-Team's little get-together on Saturday was a great time, and it was wonderful to be together with all of our friends and family who were walking with us to celebrate the team, and to celebrate Aaron's birthday. As for the walk, the team ended up raising well in excess of $4000.00. Not too shabby for a first-year team, who didn't have time to actually do any fundraising events. We have plans to raise a lot more money for next year's walk. The Lancaster area branch of the March of Dimes was shooting for $126,000.00+ in funds raised. As of a phone call DrummerWife received last night after dinner, they were expecting the final count to beat that target number by at least $20,000.00. So, thank you for all your help, donations, love, kindness, and support over the last year; both for the A-Team and for Aaron.

At 12:44am, in the middle of the night, on this date 1 year ago, I was holding your mother's hand, and hearing you cry for the first time. It wasn't much, but it was a cry, and considering the fact that the doctors weren't sure if you'd be able to breathe much, if at all with your tiny, imperfect lungs, that cry meant the world to us. Over the next several hours, your mother and I tried to sleep as best we could in unfamiliar, uncomfortable hospital beds and fold-out chairs. Your grandparents went home, or back to our apartment to try to sleep as well. Everyone we knew was praying for you. Around noon, this time last year, I came to visit you in the NICU for the first time. You were so small, but I remember you being feisty and active, even at one day old, and 14 weeks too early. The nurse asked if I'd like to touch you. Of course I would. I couldn't believe they'd let me: surely my clumsy hand would break you, or knock a tube loose. But I didn...

Dear Aaron, Hi baby boy! I know I am a little late, but this time I was waiting until now to write on purpose. I wanted to write today. Today is when it began. I think "it" is the best way I can think of to describe everything. "It" is the happiness, the tears, the fears, the frustration, the support and the outpouring of love and kindness that daddy and I experienced. Today we did a lot, but whenever I finally stopped and slowed down I finally broke down. I cried and what happened last year. I was so scared and trying to be so tough. I thought if I could convince everyone you were okay that they would just leave you alone. I just told daddy for the first time tonight that I can remember being told that they would most likely have to deliver you that evening, my first reaction was that of any mother...pure excitement. I was so excited that I would get to meet you. Then the reality set in, that this was not a normal birth. You might not even survive the ...

DrummerWife fell asleep on the couch, as she often does, last night. She even started talking in her sleep, as she often does, last night. But...her dream was different than it usually was. Usual dreams generally include ice-skating monkeys, horse-riding monkeys, needing to go for a walk, needing to go the store, and the like. Last night...well...she was dreaming that it was about 1 year ago, and she was swollen from pre - eclampsia and needed to go to the hospital because something was wrong with her pregnancy. She kept asking me to take her to the hospital, and I kept telling her that she was sleeping, that the dream wasn't really happening, and that she wasn't sick. I asked her to wake up, and when she finally did, she just started crying. Not that I can blame her. Being just 3 days from Aaron's birthday, I have to admit it's hard to think back to last year at this time - knowing what we know now - that if someone had put the signs together, if someone had realized...

DrummerWife and I were busy this past weekend. Friday night, we were at a Reading Phillies game, using the first of the tickets from our 8-game season ticket plan that we purchased for our anniversary last year. Then Saturday we were mowing, cleaning, and prepping the house for THIS coming weekend. Sunday found DrummerWife , DrummerMother -in-Law, and I scouring the Lancaster/Harrisburg area for a grill and a patio set, also in preparation for THIS coming weekend. So, this coming weekend: Saturday is Aaron's birthday. He'd have been one this coming Saturday. To remember him, and to thank all of you who will be walking with us on Sunday, we're holding a cookout and a little party at our house. If you're on the A-team, you've been invited. If we somehow managed to miss you - sorry, tell us, and you'll be invited. And Sunday, as I mentioned above is the walk. I remember sitting in DrummerWife's room at Lankenau Hospital last year - the day after Aa...

Dear Aaron, Hi peanut! Finally, I think spring may be here to stay. Thank goodness. It has been a CRAZY week. I was at a committee meeting for WalkAmerica...we're making all the last minute plans for the walk and leaving I realized that my tire was flat. I had to call the guy whose house I was just at to come and help me change my tire. Ugh! So that led to a whole string of events with the car, but I now have it back and Monday I take it back in for inspection. Our whole walk team is getting ready for the walk. I am getting so excited. We have such a great team together and everyone is doing an amazing job. Tonight, daddy and I are going to a baseball game. Last year for our Anniversary we got a 6 game package for the Reading Phillies so that ought to be a nice night. My allergies are acting up, but it will still be fun. Tomorrow daddy will finally be able to mow the lawn for the first time. Yay! We need to get it all ready because next Saturday on your birthday we a...

Dear Aaron, Hi peanut! This week went pretty darn fast for me. I tried to write on Wednesday, but the website was down, so I ended up just journaling instead. So here I am just a little bit late...forgive me? Last weekend we made it through Easter. It was a little tough, seeing all the little ones in the Easter outfits and it church got to me a little bit. I think what made it even harder was that it was my birthday and I would have loved to celebrate that with you. We also celebrated everyone's birthday on Saturday with the whole Young clan. Grammy Young did a very nice thing and had your name on the cake in a heart so we could all remember that we would have been celebrating your birthday then as well. It was very nice. Also, last night I started to learn how to knit. I had a good teacher cause I think I mostly caught on quickly. I am learning to make the preemie hats....I am excited about that. There are a bunch of people making those hats right now and your cousin T...

So, DrummerWife is another year older as of yesterday, and we celebrated our first Easter without Aaron. It struck me yesterday morning during church that Sunday was the last of our "firsts without Aaron." We managed to hammer out Easter and DrummerWife's birthday in the same day, and now all we have left to tackle is Aaron's birthday on the 28 th , and the day he passed away on May 31st. It's still so hard to believe that it's been almost a year since Aaron's birthday. It still seems so clear in my mind the night we rushed to the hospital, and the hours leading up to DrummerWife's emergency C-section. On a happier note, I overheard DrummerWife and DrummerMother -in-Law talking about how the March of Dimes thought The A-Team was a business team because of how much money we raised in our first year. We're kicking butt, people. Keep up the good work. :)

Dear Aaron, Hi sweet pea! Happy 44 week Heaven Day! Sorry this is a little late. Mommy hasn't been feeling that great this week, my allergies got the better of me. I feel much better today, of course it is freezing cold again. This weekend is Easter weekend. I am off tomorrow and we will be spending this weekend with lots of family. Mommy's birthday is actually on Easter this year. Last Sunday, Daddy and I were watching America's Funniest Videos and they were showing clips of little kids doing Easter Egg Hunts. I just started crying. It's one more thing. I could just picture coloring eggs with you and hiding them. Making a basket for you. Picking out an Easter outfit. Watching everyone play with you over the weekend. Sometimes, while it hurts initailly it is just nice to picture what we would be doing with you. As much of it hurts to not be doing it, it helps a little just to acknowledge that we would be doing it. Your birthday is quickly approaching. ...