Dear Aaron,
Hi baby boy! I know I am a little late, but this time I was waiting until now to write on purpose. I wanted to write today. Today is when it began. I think "it" is the best way I can think of to describe everything. "It" is the happiness, the tears, the fears, the frustration, the support and the outpouring of love and kindness that daddy and I experienced. Today we did a lot, but whenever I finally stopped and slowed down I finally broke down. I cried and what happened last year. I was so scared and trying to be so tough. I thought if I could convince everyone you were okay that they would just leave you alone. I just told daddy for the first time tonight that I can remember being told that they would most likely have to deliver you that evening, my first reaction was that of any mother...pure excitement. I was so excited that I would get to meet you. Then the reality set in, that this was not a normal birth. You might not even survive the night...I might not even survive the night. This was serious or else they would just leave us alone. I remember everyone rushing to the hospital and daddy and I trying to finalize the name. Heck, we even told the doctor we were going to name you Owen. I changed my mind on the delivery table and told daddy I really wanted it to be Aaron. I am glad we did...you are definately an Aaron. Everyone was scared, for you, for me and for daddy too. I was laying there in the hospital watching your heart beat in the monitor. You were FINE....you had no idea what was about to happen. If there was anything I could have done I would have done it....anything at all. I had a GREAT pregnancy until that week...no morning sickness even.
Today, I should have spent the day with you...getting ready for you BIG first birthday party. Instead, I made a stepping stone to put out front with your name and "You are our sunshine" on it. It's beautiful and I'll be very glad to have it, but I didn't spend the day with you. I miss you peanut. I'm sorry that all of this happened. I'm sorry for all of us. I love you so much and always will and I hope that this weekend all that we are doing to remember you makes you smile while you are watching us and makes you even prouder to call all of us your family. I am so proud of everyone for everything they do to remember you, and I will always make sure everyone knows that I'm Aaron's Mommy.
Lots of love,
Mommy
Hi baby boy! I know I am a little late, but this time I was waiting until now to write on purpose. I wanted to write today. Today is when it began. I think "it" is the best way I can think of to describe everything. "It" is the happiness, the tears, the fears, the frustration, the support and the outpouring of love and kindness that daddy and I experienced. Today we did a lot, but whenever I finally stopped and slowed down I finally broke down. I cried and what happened last year. I was so scared and trying to be so tough. I thought if I could convince everyone you were okay that they would just leave you alone. I just told daddy for the first time tonight that I can remember being told that they would most likely have to deliver you that evening, my first reaction was that of any mother...pure excitement. I was so excited that I would get to meet you. Then the reality set in, that this was not a normal birth. You might not even survive the night...I might not even survive the night. This was serious or else they would just leave us alone. I remember everyone rushing to the hospital and daddy and I trying to finalize the name. Heck, we even told the doctor we were going to name you Owen. I changed my mind on the delivery table and told daddy I really wanted it to be Aaron. I am glad we did...you are definately an Aaron. Everyone was scared, for you, for me and for daddy too. I was laying there in the hospital watching your heart beat in the monitor. You were FINE....you had no idea what was about to happen. If there was anything I could have done I would have done it....anything at all. I had a GREAT pregnancy until that week...no morning sickness even.
Today, I should have spent the day with you...getting ready for you BIG first birthday party. Instead, I made a stepping stone to put out front with your name and "You are our sunshine" on it. It's beautiful and I'll be very glad to have it, but I didn't spend the day with you. I miss you peanut. I'm sorry that all of this happened. I'm sorry for all of us. I love you so much and always will and I hope that this weekend all that we are doing to remember you makes you smile while you are watching us and makes you even prouder to call all of us your family. I am so proud of everyone for everything they do to remember you, and I will always make sure everyone knows that I'm Aaron's Mommy.
Lots of love,
Mommy
Comments
Reading your thoughts as you journey to find peace in the midst of your sorrow helped me appreciate my children even more. My prayer for you:
Father, please comfort this family as they try to live their lives without their son. I pray that you would heal them. Protect their marriage. Thank you for blessing them with Aaron and giving them precious memories of his life. Amen.
May God bless you. Thank you. JM
I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and praying for you this weekend. I know that this will be a hard time for you. You are doing so much to honor Aaron, I know that he is looking down on you and smiling.