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48 Weeks

Note: DrummerWife tried to post this last week, but couldn't get logged into Blogger. She's continued to have difficulty, so I'm posting this in her stead, only 5 days late. Better late than never, eh?

Dear Aaron,

Hi peanut! Happy 48 week Heaven Day! One year ago on this date you were baptized. It was also probably the second saddest day of my life. I thought it may be the saddest, but the day you went to heaven topped this day. We had you baptized on this day because it was the day that I had to leave the hospital…just daddy and I without you. No mother ever wants to have to leave her baby at the hospital, especially one as tiny and as fragile as you. I was scared to death. So scared in fact that I would not even get dressed for your baptism. I went down to the NICU in my pajamas and my robe. I didn't remember that, but whenever I look at the picture of daddy, Pastor Al and I during your baptism I asked Daddy and Grandma Pam why they "let" me go in my robe. They told me that I would not get dressed. They asked me if I wanted to and I said no, because I was afraid the nurses would make me go home then.

I think I cried harder than I ever have that day. I think I cried harder that day than on the day you died. The day you died was very so surreal I definitely cried a lot, but eventually I just kind of got cried out. That day I cried the whole way home…there was nothing daddy could say or do. There were a lot of days leaving the hospital where daddy had to get me to leave while I was crying. Leaving you was a terrible part of the day. I would have taken up residence if the hospital had let me.

Aside from all of that you baptism was still very nice. Pastor Al did such a nice job and even though it was only the three of us I will never forget it. That day we even talked about how once we brought you home we would kind of do some sort of dedication and basically be able to share that moment with family and friends. Anyway, peanut, I thought about you much of the day today and spent some time remembering your baptism. I love you…more than there are stars in the sky.

Hugs and kisses,
Mommy

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