Baby On Your Six



Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Letter to Aaron - September 19

Dear Aaron,

Hi baby boy! It's been about a month since I last wrote here, but things have mainly been the same. Not too much new to report. Daddy and I are getting ready to go on vacation. This is our first planned vacation since you were born (we did have an unplanned vacation last year to the beach right after your memorial service, but that was because Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt Jess and Uncle Dan already had a beach house reserved). This time we have been planning for quite some time and we are going to Disney. This trip has been a long time in the making. Grammy and PopPop wanted to take daddy and I for a while, then I got pregnant so we kind of put the trip on hold. Then we started planning for you to go with us. Now, it's back to just us going again. My how plans change. I am really looking forward to going...I have never been there, but today I can't stop thinking what it would be like to take you there. I know some people are worried because there are going to be kids everywhere, but I am okay with that...heck, it's Disney, of course there are kids everywhere. At times like this sometime I am glad to see other kids, because I can find one that would be about your age and see what they are doing and at least know what you might be doing. Like I said, I am very glad for vacation, but just wishing right now that it was going to be with you.

So, there is a bit of good timing, because right after we get back we will be participating in the "Walk to Remember" for the second year. It's weird that things are repeating now. We really liked the event last year. It was a great way to remember you and all the other babies that have left us way too soon.

Yesterday I did an interview with the March of Dimes on a local radio station and got to once again tell your story. I always love telling people about you, peanut. I like people to know how much you meant to all of us and the things that we do to continue to remember you.

I love you baby boy! I know I'll be thinking about you tons (more than usual) while we're on vacation. Maybe we can do Disney together in my dreams.

Lots of love, hugs and kisses!
Mommy

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Monday, September 17, 2007

I've posted about my favorite author before...

Robert Jordan, author of the long-running Wheel of Time fantasy series passed away yesterday, due to complications from cardioid amyloidosis. His real name is James Rigney, and in addition to being the author of the WoT series, he was a civil war historical writer, a graduate of the Citadel (with a degree in Physics), and served honorably in the Army during two tours in Vietnam, receiving the Distinguished Flying Cross with bronze oak leaf cluster, the Bronze Star with "V" and bronze oak leaf cluster, and two Vietnamese Gallantry Crosses with palm medals.

Some of you may remember that last year, after I commented at his blog (which was set up so that Mr. Rigney could correspond with his fans and used heavily to keep fans up-to-date regarding his illness) that I was happy to see he was still healthy and fighting after I had lost touch during Aaron's brief time with us and the immediate aftermath of his loss, Mr. Rigney briefly responded to me personally in one of his postings.

It was a very cool moment for me, because my favorite author was not only aware of my existence, but because he took the time to familiarize himself with my story, wish me God's blessing, and he did so during a time when he was fighting a life-threatening illness.

Well, that illness eventually proved to be too much for even a man with Mr. Rigney's distinctions to overcome. I know I'm not alone in grieving his loss, as thousands upon thousands of fans worldwide found the news just as shocking as I did. He leaves the WoT series unfinished, at 11 books (the 12th would have been the end) and rumors are out there that extensive notes were dictated by Mr. Rigney during his treatment, and that someone else may be finishing the series for him. If this is the case, it will be a bittersweet finale to be sure.

Goodbye, Mr. Rigney. Do me a favor, and tell Aaron how things would have wrapped up in book 12. :)

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

9/11 and Parenthood

With today being well, what today is, I can't help but think of the parents who have to explain the events that occurred 6 years ago today to children who are just becoming old enough to understand all the remembrances that will be going on today; much less parents who had to explain the events of 9/11 to children as they were occurring live on TV and in the days following.

I remember commenting to DrummerWife when she was pregnant with Aaron that I didn't look forward to the day when I had to explain terrorism to my child when they were old enough to understand. Unfortunately, I won't have the opportunity until a second DrummerChild comes into the picture, but the fact remains that there are parents out there who have to come to grips with sitting a child down and explaining that there are people out there who want to hurt and kill people like their mommy and daddy, and their friends mommy's and daddy's, and THEM, just because of who they are, and how they live. How do you do that without absolutely destroying whatever sort of innocence your child might be able to maintain in this world we live in?

And now rumors are coming out of Al-Qaeda attacks targeted at American elementary and middle schools - how could you EVER prepare a child that young for that kind of reality?

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Long spans of OK-ness in between short bursts of sadness...

So, I was driving home yesterday afternoon, minding my own business, and flipping through radio stations. I came upon the Cure song "Pictures of You", and the first verse set me thinking about Aaron:
I've been looking so long at these pictures of you
That I almost believe that they're real
I've been living so long with my pictures of you
That I almost believe that the pictures are
All I can feel
Then, I flipped stations, and was lucky enough to catch the very beginning of the Beatles' "Let It Be". The two combined just put me into a very reflective, slightly depressed mood.

Then, last night, right before bed, at the end of iCaught (this "Internet fad" news show on ABC) they showed a montage of people's videos and photos summing up their "week in 3 words." One of the videos they showed was just a guy fighting back tears, the pain obvious on his face, and held a sheet of paper that read simply "we just miscarried."

Throwing that onto the heap, and I was pretty much done for. I guess I was overdue for a good cry (the last one I had being largely alcohol-fueled), because I feel somewhat better today.

Here's hoping.