Baby On Your Six



Sunday, December 31, 2006

A Letter In Response

The following comment was recently posted in response to DrummerWife's "30 Weeks" post to Aaron:
Anonymous said...
Have you and your husband sought professional help yet? It seems VERY odd that after so many months you are writing to your dead child. I realize everyone grieves in their own way, but you clearly need to speak to someone about this. Contrary to popular belief, blogging is not psychological therapy.
6:12 PM
I would like to take this opportunity to respond this anonymous individual.

Several times, comments made on this blog have led my wife and I to tears - but never before has it been out of pain, anger, or disgust. This is the first time this has happened. Previously, when a comment made us cry it was out of comfort - knowing someone out there cared for us, thought about Aaron, or simply wished us well. You, sir or madam, have become the first to make us cry out of hurt. For that, I congratulate you. You obviously succeeded in your mission.

However, we have decided to take the higher road in this situation. I will simply address your comments and concerns, and point out where your logic either flawed, or painfully misinformed.
  1. We have, in fact, sought out, and received counseling for our grief. If you would have bothered to inform yourself about our story (conveniently available right here in this very blog for reading at your leisure) you would know that we attended counseling on a weekly basis for several months leading up to our most recent move. After the new year, we will resume counseling.
  2. Our counselor, a wonderful woman named Linda, not only suggested, but she highly stressed the importance of writing to our son. So, while you think it's "VERY odd" for us to still write to him, it is in fact PART of our grieving process, and is not only healthy, but recommended for us.
  3. You say that "you realize that everyone grieves in their own way", yet you seem oddly unaccepting of the fact that we have decided to share our grief and growth process with others, namely those friends and family who take the time to stop by here on a near daily basis. If you believe that our little chunk of Internet bandwidth is such a blight on the web, don't waste your time here. There are more likely other people out there grieving or suffering that you can insult.
  4. And contrary to YOUR belief, blogging IS psychological therapy. It helps us to share a portion of our lives with those who care to read it (and if you don't think anyone does, I have 25,000+ visits since April to prove to you otherwise.)
  5. One last, and final thing: again, if you had bothered to inform yourself about our situation you would know that this blog existed for 5 months prior to our son's premature birth. It's primary function was to keep family and friends in the loop regarding my wife's pregnancy. Then, after Aaron's birth, it became an easy way for us to keep everyone informed as to Aaron's status. Then, after Aaron's death, it became a way for us to share our experiences with those same friends and family - and anyone else who cared to read about it. If you don't share the same spirit of growth and love, then leave, and please don't return.

The truly sad thing about all of this, is that this "anonymous" poster will probably never see this, and even if they do, they probably won't care, because our grief doesn't fit their preconceived notion of how we should respond to losing our child. I pray, Anonymous, that you never know the pain we feel.

God Bless,
Drummer

Thursday, December 28, 2006

30 Weeks

Dear Aaron,

Hey peanut! Happy 30 week Heaven Day. Mommy is a day late this week. With Christmas being on Monday I just can't get my days straight (so we'll just pretend I am right on time). We missed you so much on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Not that we don't miss you every single day. After we got home Daddy and I spent a while reading the notes that people wrote to you. We lit your little candle while we were reading them. They were all so nice. We cried a lot - which was good for daddy and I. Now this weekend is New Year's eve. We have been looking forward to this for awhile. We're ready to put this year behind us. It's weird...I say I want to put the year behind me cause of all the "bad" things that happened. You leaving us was the hardest, saddest thing I pray I will ever have to deal with in my entire life let alone this year. However, you also brought me more joy than I have ever known...I loved you more than I ever thought possible and then some. Everyone says they wish us a "better 2007"...we've said it ourselves...but what can be better than being with you, seeing you, holding you, watch you open or try to open your eyes the second you hear my voice, singing to you, hearing your tiny little cries, and changing your diapers. I am not sure what in 2007 will top all of that. I guess really 2006 may have been a great year after all, because I got to spend 33 days of it with you. I won't be able to say that next year.

I love you Aaron. I hope you had a very Merry Christmas and even though I know our time here means absolutely nothing where you are (thank God) we'll be wishing you a Happy New Year here. I'll see you "Soon and Very Soon"!

Sending you more hugs and kisses than there are stars in the sky,
Mommy

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Tuesday, December 26, 2006

So, Christmas, huh?

Well, the first post-Aaron Christmas has come and gone, and let me tell you - it was a doozy. From breaking down during Silent Night ("sleep in heavenly peace", anyone?), to visiting Aaron's interment site on Christmas morning, to opening up the beautiful gifts of a calendar made with photos of Aaron or a compiled, bound, 4-volume set of this blog printed out for DrummerWife and I, to crying together as we read all of your messages on the couch before bed last night.

It was a difficult few days for us. The feelings of missing out on something - like there was something we should have been doing - was strong for both of us, I believe.

Christmas is going to be hard forever, I'm afraid. But this one was the worst. It can only get easier from here.

Merry Christmas, Aaron. I hope it was a good one in Heaven, Little Guy.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

29 Weeks

Make sure you also see the post below about Christmas messages...

Happy 29 Week Heaven Day peanut! Christmas is getting so close. I know what it’s like here…I can’t imagine how wonderful Christmas is in Heaven. I have already gotten several Christmas notes that people wrote to you. Each one has made me cry. People still think about you a LOT. I can’t wait to read them all on Christmas Day. Last year I thought I would burst if Christmas didn’t get here soon. That was when we told everyone that Mommy was pregnant…I had HIGH hopes for this year. The things we would have done. It’s definitely going to make me sad that you aren’t here. Daddy had a good idea last night. When we go to our Christmas gatherings, we’re going to take your candle and the stocking for people to write you some notes on, but daddy also suggested we take something you actually touched or wore, so we’re going to take you little blue hat with us as well. We’re going to take the toys Saturday I think. We ended up with a lot! Daddy and I still need to go and pick out OUR gift…probably tomorrow night. That’s going to be a little rough, but I really want to pick out a toy for about a 4 month old.

I found this poem online. Another Mommy that lost her child wrote this. I hope and pray that this is exactly what Christmas will be like for you…

I see the countless CHRISTMAS TREES around the world below with tiny lights like HEAVEN’S STARS reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so SPECTACULAR please wipe away that tear for I am spending CHRISTMAS WITH JESUS CHRIST this year.
I hear the many CHRISTMAS SONGS that people hold so dear but the SOUND OF MUSIC can't compare with the CHRISTMAS CHOIR up here.
I have no words to tell you of the JOY their voices bring for it is beyond description to HEAR THE ANGELS SING.
I know HOW MUCH YOU MISS ME, I see the pain inside your heart for I am spending CHRISTMAS WITH JESUS CHRIST this year.
I can't tell you of the SPLENDOR or the PEACE here in this place Can you just imagine CHRISTMAS WITH OUR SAVIOR face to face
I'll ask him to LIFT YOUR SPIRIT as I tell him of your love so then PRAY FOR ONE ANOTHER as you lift your eyes above.
Please let your HEARTS BE JOYFUL and let your SPIRIT SING for I am spending CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN and I’m walking WITH THE KING


I love you baby boy!
Mommy

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Monday, December 18, 2006

Christmas Messages for Aaron

DrummerWife asked me to post this for her-

I got an idea from a message board dealing with Grief and Loss for something to do at Christmas to incorporate Aaron. On Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas Day with Drummer's family, I am going to take along the stocking that we got for Aaron. It's an angel holding a lamb with his name on it...it was perfect. I am also going to take scrapbooking paper and some pens, etc. and ask people to write a little holiday message to Aaron or anything else they would like to write...the kids can draw photos, etc...Then we will read them on after we return home again on Christmas Day when it is just the two of us. What I would like to ask those of you whom I will not see at some point over the holidays to do, is to participate if you would like. You have a couple options: Leave a comment here and we'll copy, paste, and print it out in a nice font; email it to me; or email me for our mailing address and you can put something in the mail. Email me at nicoleannyoung@comcast.net. I will then be able to take all these messages and put them in Aaron's scrapbook.

Remember if I will see you sometime on or around the holidays you can do it then...this is more for our long distance readers or those I will not see.

Thanks in advance to anyone that participates :)

So, there you go. I have completed my contractual agreement. Back to the video games.

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Thursday, December 14, 2006

Happy Birthday, Baby On Your Six.

Well, today marks the 1-year anniversary of Baby On Your Six. What started as a journal of DrummerWife's sure-to-be hilarious pregnancy has sadly become a meager memorial to Aaron. For fun, I thought I'd recap everything that's taken place over the last 12 months in the world of Baby On Your Six. Here goes nothing:
  • December 14th, 2005 - Baby On Your Six is born
  • Christmas, 2005 - we informed both of our families about our pregnancy
  • March - bought new car to replace DrummerWife's Ford Escort
  • April 14th - we move into the new condo
  • April 27th - DrummerWife enters the hospital with what she thought was indigestion
  • April 28th - Aaron Keith Young is born at 12:44am
  • May 9th - Aaron is moved from Lankenau Hospital to Bryn Mawr Hospital
  • May 17th - Aaron has a drain inserted in preparation for further surgery
  • May 18th - Aaron has surgery to remove the NEC-infected portion of intestine, it is determined that it wasn't NEC at all, just a hernia
  • May 31st - Aaron dies from complications resulting from surgery
  • June 6th - Aaron's memorial service in Elizabethtown is held at Christ Lutheran Church
  • June 11th-18th - We spend the week in Duck, N.C. with DrummerWife's family
  • July 12th - We buy a second car this year to replace my dead Nissan Pathfinder
  • August 4th - What would have been Aaron's due date, we spend the day in remembrance and fun at Dorney Park and Wildwater Kingdom in Allentown, PA
  • August 21st - Our 2nd wedding anniversary
  • September 9th - We welcome Guiness, our cat, into our home
  • October 3rd & 4th - DrummerPop-Pop undergoes heart catheter and valve replacement surgeries
  • October 27th - DrummerWife is informed that she's losing her job in 2 weeks
  • November 10th - DrummerWife is laid off
  • November 23rd - Thanksgiving Day Parade, we handle the Hello Kitty Balloon
  • December 4th - DrummerWife starts her new job
  • December 9th - We move again, just for good measure

As you can see...its been an odd year for us. I have to thank all of you who keep coming back, and who keep remembering Aaron along with us. To date, people have visited this site 24,166 times since April, when I started tracking that information. To be fair, 22,000 of those visits are from DrummerMother, but that's still a lot of visits for a site as small as this one. Never forget Aaron. I know we won't.

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Wednesday, December 13, 2006

28 Weeks

Dear Aaron,

Happy 28 Week Heaven Day sweet pea. What a week it’s been. We are moved into the new house and it is great. I would have LOVED to have you living at a place like this. I can just see you laying on the living room floor playing. We got moved in and even got decorated for Christmas. That was tough...we had your cousins Sophie and Claire helping us and the first ornament the pulled out was the one that daddy and I got last year to tell Grandma and Grandpa that you were on the way...the ornament said, "Parents to Be". Every time I considered decorating for Christmas I had to keep reminding myself that ornament was there. I am glad the girls helped cause otherwise I don't think I could have done the tree at all. But now all your toys that we have so far from the toy drive are laying under it and it makes me one proud mommy!

I heard a song on the radio the other day and it broke me down bad - it must be called something like, "Christmas is a time for the children" - I can't find the lyrics, but maybe someone else can. I just cried and cried. My favorite time of year normally and I'm lucky I got a tree up. I am just so glad you daddy had the toy drivc idea...it keeps me going.

Well sweetie it's late and I need to get some sleep. Meet me in my dreams!

Love,
Mommy

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Monday, December 11, 2006

Well...we're in.

With the help of about 20+ different people on Saturday, between 2 locations, we successfully moved from one condo into one house. Minor casualties were lost, and I'd like to take this opportunity to remember our beloved futon and the lamp that sustained fatal wounds.

Everything else went smoothly. We're still unpacking boxes, and we haven't even gotten to hanging up pictures yet, but we're slowly unpacking our lives into our new house.

My drive in this morning, now substantially longer and more involved, wasn't bad either. Took a little over an hour, and as long as I can keep getting up at 5:00am, I can avoid the traffic and be at work well before my 7:00am start time. Wish me luck.

Alright - to close: thank you, to everyone who helped us this weekend. We couldn't have done it without you.

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Friday, December 08, 2006

T minus 1 day...

It's officially crunch time. Last night was a fury of scrubbing, packing, taping, stacking, and trashing. Tonight will be more of the same. Tomorrow we move. At least it should be sunny and clear tomorrow. Cross your fingers.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has contributed to our little amateur toy drive this far. We've gotten some really good toys so far, and we should be taking them to the hospital once things settle down post-move in the next couple of weeks. Thanks again.

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Wednesday, December 06, 2006

27 Weeks

Dear Aaron,

Hi baby boy. Happy 27 week Heaven Day! This week I started my new job and I am tired. I do like it...so far so good, but it's just a lot to learn. I put your picture on my desk at work. Every day so far I have had people ask about you. It gives me a chance to tell people about you. People have been very nice about everything...asking questions about you, when you were born, what your name is etc. It's nice to have people do those kind of things.

The move is upon us. Your daddy and I talked about it and even though it's a new house we are still going to have "Aaron's room". The room that was going to be the nursery at this house we always call "Aaron's room" and I can't give that up, so even though it will have a bed in it for a guest, it's a room where I will be able to display some of your things etc. I am actually getting pretty excited to get our Christmas tree out and decorating it. I got you a stocking that is so cute. I wish you were going to be with us this Christmas...it would have been so much fun.

I had a really neat dream about you the other night. We were at a park with ALL our family (both sides) and you were there with us. I love watching everyone interact with you and I especially loved watching you play with you daddy. One of my favorite parts of the whole dream was when I got to hold you, feed you and go and change your diaper. It's funny what I crave the most...a big fat wet, messy diaper.

I love you Aaron! I wish I could be coming home at the end of the day to cuddle, play, bath you and tuck you in...but since I can't know that I'm wishing for it all the time.

A million hugs and kisses,
Mommy

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Monday, December 04, 2006

As of this writing...

...DrummerWife is en route to her first day of work at her new job. She starts at 8:00am this morning, and probably won't be home until late, due to her temporary extended commute. Wish her luck today.

On another note, we're 5 days from our 2nd move this calendar year. We're mostly packed, largely in part due to DrummerWife, DrummerMother-in-Law, and DrummerMom. They worked pretty hard last week and got most of our stuff packed up in just a couple of days. We've since been getting rid of excess clothing, throwing away trash, stuff like that. We're close to being ready. Oy.