The following comment was recently posted in response to DrummerWife's "30 Weeks" post to Aaron:
Several times, comments made on this blog have led my wife and I to tears - but never before has it been out of pain, anger, or disgust. This is the first time this has happened. Previously, when a comment made us cry it was out of comfort - knowing someone out there cared for us, thought about Aaron, or simply wished us well. You, sir or madam, have become the first to make us cry out of hurt. For that, I congratulate you. You obviously succeeded in your mission.
However, we have decided to take the higher road in this situation. I will simply address your comments and concerns, and point out where your logic either flawed, or painfully misinformed.
Anonymous said...I would like to take this opportunity to respond this anonymous individual.
Have you and your husband sought professional help yet? It seems VERY odd that after so many months you are writing to your dead child. I realize everyone grieves in their own way, but you clearly need to speak to someone about this. Contrary to popular belief, blogging is not psychological therapy.
6:12 PM
Several times, comments made on this blog have led my wife and I to tears - but never before has it been out of pain, anger, or disgust. This is the first time this has happened. Previously, when a comment made us cry it was out of comfort - knowing someone out there cared for us, thought about Aaron, or simply wished us well. You, sir or madam, have become the first to make us cry out of hurt. For that, I congratulate you. You obviously succeeded in your mission.
However, we have decided to take the higher road in this situation. I will simply address your comments and concerns, and point out where your logic either flawed, or painfully misinformed.
- We have, in fact, sought out, and received counseling for our grief. If you would have bothered to inform yourself about our story (conveniently available right here in this very blog for reading at your leisure) you would know that we attended counseling on a weekly basis for several months leading up to our most recent move. After the new year, we will resume counseling.
- Our counselor, a wonderful woman named Linda, not only suggested, but she highly stressed the importance of writing to our son. So, while you think it's "VERY odd" for us to still write to him, it is in fact PART of our grieving process, and is not only healthy, but recommended for us.
- You say that "you realize that everyone grieves in their own way", yet you seem oddly unaccepting of the fact that we have decided to share our grief and growth process with others, namely those friends and family who take the time to stop by here on a near daily basis. If you believe that our little chunk of Internet bandwidth is such a blight on the web, don't waste your time here. There are more likely other people out there grieving or suffering that you can insult.
- And contrary to YOUR belief, blogging IS psychological therapy. It helps us to share a portion of our lives with those who care to read it (and if you don't think anyone does, I have 25,000+ visits since April to prove to you otherwise.)
- One last, and final thing: again, if you had bothered to inform yourself about our situation you would know that this blog existed for 5 months prior to our son's premature birth. It's primary function was to keep family and friends in the loop regarding my wife's pregnancy. Then, after Aaron's birth, it became an easy way for us to keep everyone informed as to Aaron's status. Then, after Aaron's death, it became a way for us to share our experiences with those same friends and family - and anyone else who cared to read about it. If you don't share the same spirit of growth and love, then leave, and please don't return.
The truly sad thing about all of this, is that this "anonymous" poster will probably never see this, and even if they do, they probably won't care, because our grief doesn't fit their preconceived notion of how we should respond to losing our child. I pray, Anonymous, that you never know the pain we feel.
God Bless,
Drummer
Comments
I believe that you have every right to express your loss anyway you want! OMG, I seen you two everyday in the NICU and cannot imagine what you both went through with the loss of Aaron.
Gosh, many people write in a journal everyday about their life just that no one knows about it and you are brave enough to share with others here.
This may sound sad.... I seen and felt what you guys went through in the NICU as I experienced the same. Reading this every few days helps remind me how lucky I am to have Dylan and especially Skylin as she had the same surgery as Aaron.
Dear anonymous.... Aaron may not be here physically, however he still does remain in many peoples hearts!
Hugs to both of you!
I have read through a lot of your site and as I was reading I felt your joy and cried for your sorrow.
The fact that you write to your son, is wonderful. It is a tremendous way help deal with your pain.
Your son was a beautiful baby boy and I can tell was loved by everyone who met him.
To the anonymous writer...it is appalling to me that someone would write something so cruel and hurtful to people that they do not even know. Have you not dealt with pain and loss? Have you ever a lost a child? Prior to writing something like you did ever again, I would sit for a moment and think about how the person is feeling and how you might feel in the same situation.
I, too, write my dead son. I find it a great way to get out my thoughts and the only way I have to "parent" him despite the fact that he isn't here. It is highly recommended by many grief counselors. So, unless anonymous has some type of degree we are all unaware of, I am not sure why they think their opinion is worth mentioning.
I love it when people hide behind anonymous labels. If you are going to say something like that, something you have NO CLUE about, at least be adult enough to use your name.