Tuesday, June 03, 2008

2 Years

Two-years ago on May 31st, the world I knew was destroyed. I say this not in a depressing way, but more in a look how far we have come way. Two years ago, our baby boy went to heaven. We were crushed. Josh and I as well as our families. For someone so sweet and innocent to die was beyond our comprehension. I have been writing this entry in my head for 4 days now, but I wanted to get some of it down on paper. To have something go that wrong in your life is truly a life changing experiment. We started counseling right away and were told that we would need to work on finding the "new" us. I am really not sure what that means, but I know we have found it - or at least that we have found some of it.

I have changed in the last two years and I know Josh has as well. We have done all that we can think to do to remember Aaron. We have met some amazing people and gotten close to them that have also lost a baby. We have in two years had two very successful March for Babies teams and in doing so we have raised over $10,000 (in two years) for the March of Dimes. We have volunteered for the March of Dimes and have met some amazing people through that effort as well. We have had 2 very successful Christmas Toy Drives that have made HUNDREDS of sick children very happy. We have become closer to each other and closer with our family and friends. We are better people because of this.

It still hurts...daily. That hurt will always be there, just less. I am starting to be able to think of happier times and remember them. But I am proud of what we have done. Of course, I would rather have a two-year old running around and driving me crazy, but I am beyond proud to be Aaron's mom...in whatever capacity I have to do it in and I know my little boy is smiling down on all of us :-)

I love you Aaron, and I miss you beyond what words can express. I will never stop being a mom to you and you will always be baby. I hope that we can continue remembering you in whatever way we possibly can. I hope when you see all of the things that we are doing you smile and say 'That's my family, my friends, and MY Mommy and Daddy'. We love you more than there are stars in the sky. XOXO, Mommy

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Happy Birthday Aaron!

Dear Aaron,

Happy Birthday, peanut! 2 years...Wow! Last year on your birthday I spent a lot of time remembering what happened the year you were born. This year I spent a lot of time thinking about what would have been. What it would be like to have a 2 year old running around. What it would have been like to throw a second birthday party. My guess would be that at this age you'd be into trains, trucks, airplanes etc. On Saturday we had a party for our March for Babies team. Daddy and I and the kids let balloons go for you and yelled, "Happy Birthday Aaron!" We were at the church and right by the memorial garden. We had a very nice party. On Sunday we did the March for Babies and we proudly wore our A-Team T-shirts. We did SO well this year. We raised over $6,300!!! All in memory of you! It made mommy and daddy so proud that we were able to do that. We were just thrilled. Yesterday, Daddy and I took off...we went to lunch with Grandma Pam, Grandpa Keith and Uncle Dan. It was nice. Daddy and I were just able to spend the day together, but I know a lot of people were thinking about you. I hope that you had a wonderful birthday in heaven and I know you were watching us and smiling this weekend.

I love you Aaron! Forever and ever!

Millions of Birthday Hugs and kisses,

Monday, December 10, 2007

The Holidays

It's incredibly easy to get down during this time of the year, feeling like something (someone) is missing, and that the holidays are just a charade without it (them). However, I've decided to try and remain focused on the good things that have come out of losing Aaron - namely, our now 2nd annual toy drive (which is shaping up to be significantly larger than last years', our March of Dimes walk team which raised over $4,000 last year (and is aiming even higher this year), and the ongoing Aaron's Angels project (preemie-sized knit caps which are distributed to various NICUs).

Aaron may not have been around long, but he sure left a big mark, huh?

Finally, DrummerWife and I had the chance to meet David Fleming, the author of Noah's Rainbow, over the weekend at a book signing in Harrisburg. He was there to sign and promote his new book, titled Breaker Boys, about the Pottsville Maroons. We asked David to sign a copy of his new book, and asked if he wouldn't mind signing Noah's Rainbow as well. He couldn't have been nicer, and kindly obliged us. We took the opportunity to tell him how much Noah's Rainbow meant to us, and how much it had helped us, and others we'd told about the book.

He signed the book "We both know that hope prevails." And it does - as hard as it may be to see sometimes, I think that all the charitable activities that DrummerWife and I have become involved in are evidence of that.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

It's that time of year again...

Hi folks. Long time, no post. Sorry about that.

Anyway - DrummerWife and I would like to announce that we are going to be doing our little toy drive again this year, in Aaron's honor. We've contacted the Hershey Medical Center, and received a list of items they can accept for the children's ward. Without further ado, here's their wish list:

Holiday Wish List 2007
Penn State Children’s Hospital
Child Life Program

All Ages
  • Pre-Paid Phone Cards-60 minutes
  • $5-$10 Gift certificates - Old Navy, Best Buy, Circuit City, Toys R Us, Dick’s Sporting Goods, i Tunes, Target, Blockbuster, Bath & Body Works
  • New release DVD - G, PG, PG-13
  • New release CD’s - Lullabies, Disney, Teen
  • New release PS 2, X-box 360, Game Cube games - rated E only
  • 8-Pack crayons (can not accept 24 or 64 count boxes)
  • 8-Pack Classic Crayola Washable Markers-Broad tipped
  • Blank CD-RW’s
  • Children’s Cartoon Band-aids
  • Model Magic-individual packets-all colors
  • Color Wonder Activity Pad and Marker Set (no finger paint)
  • Perler Beads (Individual Kits)

Infants and Toddlers

  • Rattles, Teethers, Baby Einstein products


  • Thin coloring books
  • Stickers
  • "Thomas the Tank Engine" trains
  • Play-Doh (Play-Doh brand only)
  • Play-Doh Easy to Do Sets
  • Play-Doh accessories

School Age

  • Small Lego kits
  • Sports clothing
  • Craft kits
  • Fuzzy posters
  • Barbies
  • 24 piece puzzles


  • Body lotions
  • Body wash
  • Nail polish
  • Word searches
  • Lip gloss
  • Jewelry
  • Festive socks
  • Sports clothing
  • Latch hooks

Unable to Accept

  • stuffed animals
  • matchbox cars
  • books
  • VHS tapes
  • Decks of cards
  • Board games

We'll be collecting the items at our house, and transporting them to the hospital ourselves, as we did last year. If you need to contact us with any questions or concerns, you most likely know how to do so. If you don't, email aky.toydrive@gmail.com for more information.

Last year, the toy drive was a huge success, not only in terms of collecting items for kids who have to live in the children's ward of the hospital, but also in terms of including Aaron in the holiday. Please help us collect toys again this year, to remember Aaron, and also to do something wonderful for kids who don't get to have a holiday like we do.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Life...it's always interesting

Last night was a scary for my family. My sister called my mom last evening and said the house 3 homes down from them was on fire and something exploded. The fire was large and because they are in attached townhomes they did not know if it was going to spread to their house. She told my mom to call people and ask them to pray...we immediately began calling family and I had Josh call his parents to put it on their prayer chain. The story is long and complicated, there were two deaths, however they found that the children that lived their initially thought to be dead were safe. It is all under investigation. However, my sister and brother-in-law (and my puppy niece Daisey) are all safe. They were lucky enough to even be cleared to re-enter and sleep in their house tonight. There were 3 other families who sustained damage and had to stay elsewhere. It was a crazy night.

I talked to my sister this morning for about 30 minutes and I could still tell she was a little shaken up. We just chatted. I think she told me 3 times or more that she loved me. They said if it had not rained the day before and that day all the houses probably would have burned. It seems to me even in the middle of this tradgedy God was somewhere in the midst of it...not trying to be "preachy" just saying how thankful I am for the way things turned out. It also makes me realize that things things happen in the news all the time, but we are used to it...it's the norm. But when it's happening to people you know and love it is so real and is once again a reminder of how fragile life can be.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Letter to Aaron - October 3

Dear Aaron,

Hi sweet pea! We are back from Disney and we had a WONDERFUL time. We were a little worried (along with others) about how it would be seeing all the kids etc, but it didn't really bother daddy and I. It was so nice to be away and be doing such fun things! One night while we were there I was lucky enough to have a dream about you and daddy and I being in Disney together. We were having so much fun. Riding rides, watching shows, hearing you giggle, even hearing you cry a little...it was very nice to have that dream. We even took you to meet Mickey. I wish we could have done it for real, but for the time being I will take the dream. Thanks for meeting me there.

Now today, the Phillies start their playoff series with their first game. I have no doubt that daddy would have had me dress you in Phillies gear today. How I would love to see you watch the game with daddy...napping on his lap or just to watch you play in the living room while daddy watched the game. That sure would be adorable. I can remember you being in the NICU and daddy telling you all about the Phillies...so I bet you are a Phillies fan and you'll be cheering them on from heaven. I miss you peanut and I love you!

Hugs, kisses, tickels and giggles,

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Letter to Aaron - September 19

Dear Aaron,

Hi baby boy! It's been about a month since I last wrote here, but things have mainly been the same. Not too much new to report. Daddy and I are getting ready to go on vacation. This is our first planned vacation since you were born (we did have an unplanned vacation last year to the beach right after your memorial service, but that was because Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt Jess and Uncle Dan already had a beach house reserved). This time we have been planning for quite some time and we are going to Disney. This trip has been a long time in the making. Grammy and PopPop wanted to take daddy and I for a while, then I got pregnant so we kind of put the trip on hold. Then we started planning for you to go with us. Now, it's back to just us going again. My how plans change. I am really looking forward to going...I have never been there, but today I can't stop thinking what it would be like to take you there. I know some people are worried because there are going to be kids everywhere, but I am okay with that...heck, it's Disney, of course there are kids everywhere. At times like this sometime I am glad to see other kids, because I can find one that would be about your age and see what they are doing and at least know what you might be doing. Like I said, I am very glad for vacation, but just wishing right now that it was going to be with you.

So, there is a bit of good timing, because right after we get back we will be participating in the "Walk to Remember" for the second year. It's weird that things are repeating now. We really liked the event last year. It was a great way to remember you and all the other babies that have left us way too soon.

Yesterday I did an interview with the March of Dimes on a local radio station and got to once again tell your story. I always love telling people about you, peanut. I like people to know how much you meant to all of us and the things that we do to continue to remember you.

I love you baby boy! I know I'll be thinking about you tons (more than usual) while we're on vacation. Maybe we can do Disney together in my dreams.

Lots of love, hugs and kisses!