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It just doesn't seem to get any easier.

Well, I just made the mistake of re-reading the comments many of you left here on the day Aaron died, and on the day of his funeral.

I say it was a mistake because I'm now fighting back tears, and failing. Every day I go forward thinking I'm getting better at handling all of this. I see DrummerWife crying as she journals her pain and experiences, and I think to myself, "You're OK. You're handling this. You're not crying, you're not having trouble going through the day. You're improving." And that may be true to a degree - but just reading the beautiful wishes, prayers, and consolations you have all sent to us here reduced me to a teary-eyed mess. At my desk. At work.

I love Aaron so much. That will always be true. And it is such a wonderful thing to know that many of you loved him too, in your own ways. How many people can say that? How many people know, with all certainty, that their child (especially one who lived for such a short time) had such a profound impact on so many lives? DrummerWife and I are lucky, in a way. As hard as it is to see it through the tears and anguish of losing our son, we truly are. Our boy was loved, and not just by us. Not just by family. But by people who have never met him. By some people who have never met someone who has met him.

Thank you, everyone.

Comments

Anonymous said…
::hugs::

If anyone's entitled to a day (or two, or ten...) of being a teary-eyed mess, I'd say you qualify. Of course no one wants to do it at work...but I say you get a free pass at it. And who knows, it may just get you out of that next project from Hades no one wants and the boss is looking to assign ;-)

Shan
8:52 PM
Anonymous said…
I can't even go back and read what I wrote in the days following Curtis' death....it breaks my heart to read my own words and see my own pain. I just can't do it yet.

I think being a mess these days jus goes with the territory. Fun, huh?
6:01 PM
Anonymous said…
It was definitely something about the day. I personally did not sleep all night and was a blubbering, teary-eyed mess all day. Hoping for sleep tonight.

Love to all of you - Mom W
9:28 PM
Anonymous said…
If you ever want to talk to another dad who has lost a baby, my husband volunteered. His email is blackwolf3231@yahoo.com. You may want to drop him a line. Thinking about you guys always.

Tiffany
11:23 PM
Anonymous said…
I just wanted to tell you both that you are always in our thoughts and prayers. I try and check up on you and hope you are OK. Blessings to you both. You are amazingly strong people.

Monica
10:23 AM
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