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Quickly, to the Public Pool!

DrummerWife and I promised her cousin's two daughters we'd come out and go swimming with them some time. That time was this past weekend. We went to their local public pool and spent the afternoon swimming with them.

I never realized it growing up, but looking at it through the eyes of an adult - the public pool is just swarming with kids. I mean...overflowing with them. EVERYWHERE. It's strange, but little girls don't bother me in the least. Little boys are really hard for me though. I see them running around, stumbling and bumbling as little kids are prone to do, and I can't help but think that Aaron never got the chance to do any of that. And I never got to do any of that with him.

Our counselor tells us that when parents lose older children, the parents grieve their memories. DrummerWife and I, because we lost an infant, we grieve our expectations. Take it from me, it absolutely sucks to grieve expectations - they will never, ever, ever be fulfilled. At least if you have memories you have something to cling to. We have empty promises.

Despite the tone and tenor of this post, I'm really doing pretty well. DrummerWife is still having a lot more trouble than I am, but overall I'd say she's doing fairly well. It's a long road for both of us, and neither one of us is really "OK," but each day gets a little bit easier.

Comments

Anonymous said…
We were told the same thing, about losing your dreams for your baby. It's really true. I'm glad that you have at least a few memories to treasure. *HUGS*

Tiffany
7:19 PM
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