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22 Weeks

Dear Aaron,

Happy 22 Week Heaven Day Aaron. I think about you all of the time right now. So many things happened over the past week. Saturday was October 28th - you would have been 6 months old - well I suppose 6 months going on 2 months, but none the less. I can't even believe that 6 months ago you entered this world. Yesterday would have been exactly 5 months since you went to heaven. On Friday I found I would be losing my job, which made me NOT realize that Saturday was you 6 month birthday. I realized it Sunday after I got a card from you great uncle and aunt and cousins saying they would be thinking about you on Saturday. I was so happy to get the card and that someone remembered something like that - they even wrote you a little note that said "Dear Aaron, We celebrate that you arrived six months ago to be with us. We miss you very much. You will always hold a special place in our heart."

So now here we are 6 months after your birth and 5 months after you died. We are into November - the month that I got pregnant. One year ago everything was just starting. We had are lifetime ahead of us. Now, at least for RIGHT now, it's over. I have pictures, cards and 33 days worth of memories. Tonight on my way home I heard the Billy Joel "lullaby" song. That song never fails to reduce me to tears - the very first line says, "Good night my angel, time to go to sleep - and save those questions for another day." I always think of all the questions you would have had for me - all the "Why's" or "What's that Mommy". Someday I can't wait to answer each and every question that you have for me - and in fact I'm sure I'll have a lot for you. The other line is "And like a boat out on the ocean, I'm rocking you to sleep." I'll never forget it - every time I got to hold you I wanted to rock you so much, but I had to be so careful because of all the tubes and wires. The day you died - right after they took you off the ventilator and put you back in my arms I was so glad that at least for a little while you could feel me rock you and hold you and we didn't have to worry about those stupid tubes anymore. I'll never forget that moment - not ever - I treasure that memory.

I love you Aaron Keith...SO much - you are my sunshine!

Hugs and kisses,
Mommy
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Comments

Anonymous said…
Nikki,

That was very beautiful. And once again reduced me to tears. My heart aches for you sweetie! I pray each and every day for you and Josh . . . to have some kind of peace. What a mother you are . . . your entries in this blog are absolutely beautiful and touching. Aaron will never leave our hearts and minds . . . we miss him so much too!

I love you two!

Tracey
XOXO
10:43 PM
Anonymous said…
Your entry has left me speechless this week. I love all of you! Mom W
8:07 AM
Anonymous said…
Speechless and with a lump in my throat.

Roxie
12:21 PM
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