Skip to main content

39 Weeks

Dear Aaron,

Hello baby boy! Yesterday was a busy day, we had counseling after work and then church etc. By the time we got home it had been a long day and I just did not get a chance to get on the computer. On Monday I had a very rough morning. I was missing you so bad it just hurt. Normally, I am able to figure out what caused my "bad" day, but that day I figured it was nothing other than the fact that I just missed you. That morning it was like I just ached and my arms just wanted to hold you. Sometimes this stuff just happens if I haven't let myself have a good cry. As many times as I tell myself you are in a better place and very happy it doesn't make my pain any less.

You should see all the people that we have walking with us in the March of Dimes walk. That is going to be a nice weekend. Your daddy and I were going to try to figure out what we are going to do the rest of that weekend (since it's your birthday weekend) and get that planned this weekend. Your aunt Jess is coming to visit this weekend to, her birthday is Saturday. I tell you what...you lucked out in the aunt and uncle department. I know I told you this in the NICU, but it's worth repeating. Your aunts and uncles are so loving and so fun...they (along with your grandparents and cousins) would have just spoiled you to death.

I just flipped my calendar today and the photo for the month of March is me holding you for the first time. I look so happy in that picture. Sometimes I wonder if I've looked that happy since. I mean in that picture you can see the happiness in my smile, my eyes, all over. I know I still smile, but I don't think anything will come close to that day for a while. Also we are going to get loops made at the top of the quilt your cousin Bobbi had made for us. I have it on display now and haven't wanted to give it back to have the loops put on it. I look at it every single day, but I do want to get it hung, so I can part with it for a short while. You're everywhere little boy...in my heart, in the house, even when I watch other little kids with their daddies and mommies, I see you and what would have been. I love picturing the three of us in similar situations. I love you peanut and I miss you!

A million hugs and kisses,
Mommy

Comments

Anonymous said…
Aaron - what a lucky little guy you are to have such loving parents. The ache they feel makes us all sad at times. We can't wait to walk for you in April!

Grandma Pam

Popular posts from this blog

Thank you all from the bottom of our hearts

We feel so loved and supported right now and would like to thank each and every one of you. Whether we know you or not we know we are in your thoughts. We told Aaron each and every day how loved he was and I know that he knew that. I know that all of you were praying for a different outcome in all of this, but obviously God had a different plan. There are moments when I am at peace with this and moments when I am not. As hard and upsetting as it was - I am not sure I will ever experience a more peaceful moment as I did when I sat there holding Aaron after they had all the tubes and wires off and before he actually passed. Yes, I did hold him the whole time - at first I didn't think I could but God gave me the strength and I am so happy that I did. Josh pointed out last night that the time they placed him in my arms was at 12:44 pm. Ironically, Aaron was born at 12:44 am - I don't think that was a coincidence. My brother-in-law pointed out to me that Aaron was in our lives for 3

IT WASN'T NEC!

After a long day of sitting at the hospital, hoping for the best, and preparing for the worst, the surgeon came in to talk to us and revealed to us that things went better than anyone could have possibly expected. Aaron never had an infection. What he did have though, was a hernia. He had a loop of intestine trapped beneath another loop, and while it was never "infected," it was trapped and deprived of blood, so it was dead. The surgeon removed the damaged loop, and thankfully, there is plenty more intestine left in there for Aaron. He's recovering peacefully from today's surgery, and was already at 28% oxygen (21% is room air) on the ventilator, and his other stats were all back where they were pre-surgery. He's doing fine. I want to thank everyone for their prayers and well-wishes during this time. I fully believe that Aaron wouldn't have rebounded from yesterday's procedure so quickly, and wouldn't have been as ready for today's if not for those

Aaron didn't make it.

About 3 hours ago, Aaron passed away. After speaking with his doctors earlier in the last few weeks, we decided that if at any point they were no longer supporting Aaron's life, but instead preventing him from dying, that we didn't want him to suffer any longer. We reached that point this morning. Aaron had been struggling for life from Day One, and after surgery, and several weeks of fighting, Aaron ran out of strength. He fought hard, but the strain of surgery just proved to be too much for him. I'm sure I'll feel up to posting more information later. I just don't seem to have any energy left in me for relating this at the moment. But I did feel it was important to share this information with all of you who have been keeping tabs on us. Thank you for your concern, your prayers, and your well-wishes during this difficult time. We love you. P.S.: I'd like to leave you with the following lyrics that popped into my head while we held Aaron as he passed away. They